I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'm at about main and main street
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
