isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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