I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
