Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
