WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
