would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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