Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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