She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
