i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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