Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
