Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
