I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
