Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
