I want to walk on stilts...naked
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
