i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
