you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
