fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
It's shark week go big or go home
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
