How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
