I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
