Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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