I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
