So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
