I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
