K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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