If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Is Oprah even human
Sorry about my life...
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
