i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
