sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
