no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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