She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
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