you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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