my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I just gargled with NyQuil
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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