ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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