His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
