dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
