Plan B is the new Plan A
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
