my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
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