You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
