1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
