Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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