Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
