I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
