My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
