I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
