just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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