i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
