I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm way too hungover for life right now
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
