this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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