You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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