Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
