She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
