Jerry, you need to find god
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
