You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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