Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
