Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
