It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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