haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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