hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
