There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
