I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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