You work out of a Hotel?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
