so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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